Grief exposed; Truth revealed


Though I know in my soul that God is in control, I can’t help but feel off-balance these days. In a two-week span, I lost a job and co-workers that I loved dearly followed by the loss of my dear mother, the last of my parents. Those who know me probably remember my father was murdered when I was a child.

And, so here I sit, an unemployed orphan. Maybe that sounds a bit melodramatic, but, even at almost 60 years old, there is really no world nor age group in which that doesn’t sting. A lot. As a caregiver for my mom for the past five or so years and as one who was deeply invested in the hospice volunteer program which I had built from the ground up, these life-altering events left me shell-shocked, particularly in the slow-crawling few days following mom’s funeral planning and funeral.

I nestled myself in the joy that radiates from my beautiful grandbaby for a couple of days, but when she was back at home with her mama and daddy, I was right back in the land of the lost. I know there is plenty I should and could be doing, but I feel stuck; suspended in time.

And, so here I still sit. An unemployed orphan trying my best not to feel sorry for myself; trying my best to not be anxious, but to cast all my cares upon the Lord, as today’s bible verse from 1 Peter, 5:7 so reminds.

I know that I know that the Bible is true and that God is with me no matter what. But, because of that, I have also been beating myself up about feeling sad and lost. I guess you could say I have been grieving grief. I began to wonder if sharing such raw feelings might make myself and others question my loyalty to and faith in God?

Fortunately, I was not allowed to wonder that for long as His beautiful still, small voice rang out not so quietly in my heart.

He reminded ever so gently that I should never hide my sadness or my grief or even my momentary feelings of being lost.  Our Savior, was himself, as Isaiah 53:3 describes, a “man of sorrow and acquainted with grief.”

And He, in fact, cried. Not once; not twice, but three times in scripture, He cried. Look it up in John 11:35, Luke 19:41 and Hebrews 5:7-9. Each is near the end of His life and each shines a light on what matters most to our loving God. He is “touched with the feelings of our infirmities,” according to the writer of Hebrews 4:15.

It’s perfectly okay to grieve losses. It’s a part of being human. It’s okay to feel lost, as long as we don’t stay there forever and as long as we remember that we always have HOPE in the Lord. I may not be able to see the big picture yet, and I may still feel sad and worry, but in my heart of hearts, I know that I know that God is indeed in control and has a plan for me far better than any plan I could ever muster.

I also know that I should rejoice in the many blessings that surround me—praying friends and a praying, loving daughter and son-in law that have my back no matter what; a beautiful granddaughter to carry on my mom’s legacy and name; and, above all, a Father who calls me His child and wants only His BEST for me.

As far as the job, I don’t know exactly from where my next paycheck will come, but I KNOW Him and, just as He has always done, I KNOW He will come through, making sure I wind up in the place that I am needed most.

Thank you, God.

Thank you for the incredible memories of my mom and for the knowledge that she is finally out of her suffering and in Your Presence. And thank you for always, always standing in the gaps, no matter how wide they may seem to me. Nothing is impossible for You; nor for me when I walk with You. I love you, Father, and I am beyond thankful to be called Your child. I will never refer to myself as an orphan again, because I am not now nor will I ever be without You.

–Amen and Ehmen

Faith and Endurance Go Hand-In-Hand


Note: This is from my Me and Thee time today. I get so much from even thirty minutes dedicated to The Father. May we all spend more time with Him. It changes everything!

October 3, 2015, 8:50 am

Good Morning, God.

It’s Saturday and I’ve been up for a couple of hours already. I should have never dear godgotten up and made that cup of coffee before spending time with you, because, of course, I got distracted by a dozen things between the coffee pot and here. Still, I don’t want to miss this opportunity to commune with you; to re-connect and receive my dose of love, wisdom and beauty from The One That Loves Me. Hmmmm, I wonder if that is one of Your many names? If it isn’t, may I suggest that it be added? I love you, Abba Father, with all my heart. And, though I have many things I need You for at this time in my life, I want to stop and just praise and worship You for all that You are and all that You have done, are doing and will do. Thank You for writing me into Your story. Thank You for speaking me into existence. Thank You for considering me worthy for Your will and purposes. Thank You for being omnipotent, omnipresent, the beginning and the end and still finding room in Your heart to be my Daddy. But, most of all, Abba, thank You for being The One That Loves Me. May I always return that love to You in a way that pleases You. You rock! Amen and Ehmen!

Dear Sweet Child of Mine,

Thank you for your outpouring of love this morning. It warms My heart so. And, yes, I am happy to be The One That Loves You. Open My Word to Hebrews 6:12.

“Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.”

Child, I’m so pleased that you realize that you don’t have to constantly list all of your needs; that I know your needs and that I love you and will take care of you. Take heart, child, as I know that you have been battling the enemy ever since you truly accepted and began passionately pursuing My purposes for you last year. Don’t go for even one minute without trusting that I am aware of ever venomous dart he hurls your way. He’s scared and he’s doing what he does. But, you, my child, are following the example of those who are going to inherit My promises, because of your faith and endurance. Keep believing; keep sharing; keep loving me and others, child. Keep pursuing your purpose and what I have laid out for you. Cherish that cardboard box for even the plainest looking package can contain the most beautiful contents. Keep digging in and keep pursuing it and Me. Endure. It is an action word just like faith and, just like you and Me, the two go hand-in-hand. Oh, the plans I have for you, my child. You have only seen a tiny glimpse so far. Stick with me for we are going places that your imagination can’t even fathom. Much love to you, My dear one, from the One That Loves You.

My beautiful, faithful Father, oh how much I enjoy spending time with you. I just sit here smiling. I just realized in the last couple of days just how many things satan has hurled my way since last summer and it all makes sense now. Thank You for protecting me always and for understanding how I feel, even when I’m not sure myself. I love you and I will not let that little sucker win or even slow me down. I will ENDURE and grow stronger and stronger in YOU. I can’t wait to go wherever it is You need me to go and do whatever it is You need me to do. I’m Yours! I’m ready! Not mine, but Your Will be done in my life as it is done in Heaven! Amen and Ehmen. 🙂