Why Me, Dear Lord?”

Writer’s note: The following is a written account of an experience I had July 25, 2014 while visiting my friend in Camrose, Alberta, Canada. I have no doubt that God has called me to write a story which began unfolding from the very moment she and I became friends over an internet scrabble game almost seven years ago. The miracles have been many as He continues to lay out His will and purpose for me, and, yet, the clearer it became, the more I struggled and fought it. Truth be told, I still struggle, but I want nothing more than to please Him and to complete this God-given assignment. And, I will, one step at a time. This website and these posts are one of those steps. Please pray for me to keep putting one foot, one word in front of the other until I get where He wants me. Thanks for reading.

As I sat on the couch in the sunroom of her new little old house, I watched as the trees swayed violently in the wind, her backyard framed by the darkest and most menacing clouds Camrose had seen in quite some time.

My thoughts began circling the very reason I had come to be in this very place at this very time. A call from God that had started some five and a half years ago; a beckoning to be His instrument in transforming darkness, tragedy and sadness into goodness, light and eternity for those who know and love him now as well as those who have yet to discover Him; for those, such as myself, called to fulfill His purposes on earth.

On a spiritual level, I was more than honored to have been chosen, but on a human level, I was completely overwhelmed. I quickly felt a storm—a storm of the same proportions of what raged outside –begin to rise up from the deepest reaches of my soul. Inside and out, the darkness mounted up from the horizon as if all the demons in hell were readying for battle.

From the genesis of time, Satan has always had a knack for knowing just when to attack. And—sensing that the doubts and insecurities he had planted within me had begun to take root— the time had apparently come. Rapidly, he and his band of demons advanced into the heavenly realms causing the world beneath and within to grow dim.

“Why me? Why this very difficult story and journey? Surely, there is someone else that is far more able? I am not worthy. I don’t want to let you down; please, please help me to understand. Show me what to do,” I pleaded to the heavens as the clouds continued to loom darker and darker.

Finally, the sounds of battle began. Thank God, I thought to myself, the enemy has obviously met resistance. Deafening thunder rolled and echoed as God’s angels hurled lightning bolts at our demonic aggressors, setting the dark sky on fire with flashes of hope and promise. It wasn’t long before I realized that the good guys were already winning, just as they always do. And, just as He has always promised, from the darkest of circumstances, the living waters of Heaven began to rain down on the earth and inside my very soul.

I breathed in deeply and exhaled as calmness not only overtook the outside sky, but rained down on every ounce of my being. And, right there, in what could only be described as the sweet presence of the Almighty God, a very specific scripture address floated gently to the forefront of my mind. I stood silently and drank it in. My thoughts raced to the many times in the past several years that—as I had grown closer in my walk with God—He would whisper a scripture address in my ear in response to my pleas for direction and answers. Oh, how many times had I had jumped out of the shower or pulled to the side of the road and threw open my bible to be amazed at the undeniable answer I found there. Still, as many times as it had happened, I never ceased to be amazed that God would use His Word to speak directly to me. The truth was and is, I really don’t know the bible well enough to quote scripture and for Him to lead me past 1,189 chapters, 31,172 verses and 807,361 words to the very words that I needed to hear at that very time in my life, will always take my breath away.

Still, I can’t say that I truly believed that this latest whisper would prove to be anything other than a random thought of my own. And so, to avoid disappointment, I exchanged optimism for curiosity as I got up and went inside to find a bible. Not seeing one right away, I picked up my phone and touched and tapped my way to 1 Kings, Chapter 3, Verses 10-12 and, as I read the first few words, the curiosity with which I had started morphed into a tingling that raced over my whole body. I couldn’t go any further than the first sentence—“The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for that”. Oh, how overwhelming it was that yet another direct answer appeared imminent from God’s own lips. My response? To quickly put the phone on the counter and slide it as far away as possible. I just needed a moment to prepare and, as I inhaled deeply, I heard these words from deep within my spirit:

“Read it, My Child. Speak it out loud and substitute your name in the place of Solomon’s. This is as much for you as it was for him. Bury it deep in your heart and watch it grow.”

Obediently, I reached for my phone and did as my Heavenly Father instructed. Out loud, this is what I read:

“The Lord was pleased that Brenda had asked for that. So God said to Brenda, You have not asked to live for a long time. You have not asked to be wealthy. You have not even asked to have your enemies killed. Instead, youScreen shot of 1 Kings 3: 10-11 have asked for understanding. You want to do what is right. Because that is what you have asked for, I will give it to you. I will give you a wise and understanding heart. So here is what will be true of you. There has never been anyone like you. And there never will be.”

I could barely breathe as I read the last few words and, with God’s Presence so heavy in the room, I heard a quiet echo deep inside. I pulled close and listened with tears of joy and praise flowing.

“Child, my beautiful, obedient child, don’t ever doubt your path,” I heard him whisper. “Don’t ever doubt that I am using you— the active word here being ‘I,’ the Creator of all things past, present and future. I don’t want you to use your own eyes for they will never be able to see from My omnipresent perspective. I don’t want you to use your own strength as you could never do it on your own. I love you and I chose you for a reason. You are the only one that can hold this pen for me. Indeed, this pen that I used to write the names of both you and your sister Denise in the Book of Life, will be the same pen that leads countless others into My Kingdom—our Heaven—the place and time when we will all finally be together again for eternity.”

Tears of joy still flowing, I dropped to my knees, and with my hands and my face pointed heavenward, I replied:

“Oh, my sweet, sweet Almighty Father, thank you for having faith in me when I don’t even have faith in myself. Thank you for your precious Word and for this day; for this storm; and mostly for your unyielding love for and patience with me; for this purpose and passion planted deep within; and for the beautiful things that I know will grow because of it.

“I love you so very much. Please keep leading me. I look forward to the wise and understanding heart you first promised Solomon and now me. Help me to honor, protect, respect and use it for this purpose and for this pen that you have entrusted to me and, most of all, it be for Your Glory forever and ever. Amen and Ehmen!”

–Written (and experienced) on July 25, 2014 by Brenda Gibson of amenandehmen.com.

10 thoughts on “Why Me, Dear Lord?”

  1. I’m really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
    Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to
    see a nice blog like this one these days.


  2. We stumbled over here from a different web page and thought I might as well check things out.
    I like what I see so i am just following you.
    Look forward to looking at your web page repeatedly.


  3. Pingback: Why Me, Dear Lord?” | amen and ehmen!

  4. Wow Brenda this just blows me away. Thank you for being obedient to the calling on your life and for letting God use you. I read this with tear filled eyes and love how God speaks to us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw, Barbara. Thank you for your kind comments. I have finally learned that it is ALL about obedience. I can do nothing on my own, but with Him, I can doing anything. Oh, the stuff He has shown me; miracles that could only come from Him. It sure makes for an exciting life! I just ask for your prayers that I continue to follow His lead and fulfill His purpose and will for me. I sure love Him. And, you, too, my friend. 🙂


    • Thank you, Tina. Your support means more than you know! And, as I told Bev, as my very first “follower,” I will make sure you get a copy of my first book….one of these days! 🙂


  5. Brenda, I love hearing your God experiences. Keep writing with your colorful way with words! I know The Lord is pleased with your honesty and openness. Go girl!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Bev. It’s been a scary, but exciting journey so far, and I am, admittedly, doing a lot of starting and stopping. It gets overwhelming at times, wondering why in the world He chose me for this path and story. However, I know in my heart that this His will for me and there is nothing more important to me than pleasing Him. As my first commenter on amenandehmen.com, I will be sure to give you a free book. Of course, it has to be finished and published first. Ha ha.


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