The Truth About Joy and Sorrow


Point To Ponder amenandehmen

Many think that joy and sorrow are opposites; that you either have one or the other. But, the older I get, the more I realize that they are actually inseparable, just like sunshine and rain.

You simply can’t have one without the other. Plants cannot grow without rain nor can they grow without sunshine. It takes the two, working together, to make the magic happen.

Yet, most of us, myself included, long for sunny days and would just as soon skip over or, at least, sleep through the rainy ones. But, the fact is, one without the other would be a real tragedy.

Lord, help me to accept and even learn to welcome the rain and to remember that you use every single raindrop, every single teardrop, to make new things grow. Loving you, Jesus.

Amen and Ehmen.

All Dogs DO Go To Heaven


lucy-collage

As I sat and watched her slow, sporadic breathing, I knew the time was near. Our almost sixteen years together was coming to an end and I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much I was going to miss my favorite little redhead.

Named after another favorite redhead, comedienne Lucille Ball, Lucy certainly lived up to her name. She was a fire-cracker, full of personality and sass. She was a princess. She was funny and goofy, and always, always the boss. If another dog or even an opossum thought her tiny stature made her a pushover, she would quickly set them straight. You couldn’t help but love her.

Closing my eyes, I began asking God for peace and comfort during this difficult time. I’m not sure if I drifted off or not, but what happened next fulfilled both of my requests.

I saw myself walking into the yard of what appeared to be my future heavenly home. As soon as I stepped foot on the property, a pack of playful pups ran up, pushing me backwards into the grass. They covered my face in sweet, sloppy kisses and I was instantly filled with joy.

There was my Lucy. And Beanie. And Charlie. Tippy. And, even Dena, my first childhood dog. Every dog that I had ever loved, full of life and youth, filled my back yard and my new home as well as my heart with unconditional love.

Thank you, Jesus, for Lucy; for her energetic and fun loving life and for allowing her to drift off peacefully when it was time for her to go. But, most of all, Jesus, thank you for taking good care of her until I come home. Amen and Ehmen.

High-Flying Faith: A True Story of God’s Presence In The Midst of Tragedy


Writer’s Note: Please indulge me as I again share this true story of God’s presence, love and promise during a period of earthly sadness and tragedy. Today marks the fifth anniversary that my friend Neil left us, but it also marks the day that God made it unequivocally clear that His purpose and plan for me is to write. I may not have the book completed on paper yet, but it is nestled safely in my heart. Please give me the strength and perseverance to see it to the end, Lord. And, thank you, God, for writing me into this story and for always “showing UP” when we need you most.  Amen and Ehmen.

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I sat back in the seat thankful, that even on a full flight, I had somehow managed to get a seat all to myself. It sure seemed as if God was looking out for me these days and especially on this day as He knew I had much to think and pray about—how, for example, I was going to get through this trip.

My dear friend, Barbie—Neil’s first cousin and Denny’s best friend—was gone, having just succumbed to lung cancer just a few short months after an out-of-the-blue diagnosis. Denny’s husband, Neil, who had also unexpectedly fallen ill about the same time as Barbie, was in the midst of battling his own recent diagnosis of a rare and incurable disease called amyloidosis.

And, Denny, my beautiful friend to who God himself introduced me was quickly slipping into a pit justifiably described as hell on earth as everything she knew and loved was being stripped away from her. The fact was, Barbie’s death and Neil’s illness were just two of several back-to-back losses that had her looking more and more like a female, modern day version of Job with each passing day.

As the stewardess stopped momentarily in front of my seat to close the overhead compartment, she gave me a sympathetic nod. My pain, obviously visible to even a stranger, quickly liquidated into a stream of tears as I closed my eyes and began to recount the five years that had led to this moment; how an anonymous, virtual game of internet Scrabble, a chance meeting on a social networking site, had led to such a deep, tangible and very real friendship, first between me and Denny and then between our family and friends; a friendship that was obviously God-ordained, God-blessed and God-planned, but still a mystery to our mere mortal minds.

What could He possibly have been thinking when he paired the two of us? From the outside, we were so different. I was a single mom with two jobs and she was a semi-retired housewife. What’s more, we lived what seemed like a world apart—she in western Canada and me in the southeastern United States.

But, on the inside, well, that’s where it all began to make sense. For there, we were practically twins—soul sisters as we later dubbed it—whose bond was quick, yet undeniably powerful and steadfast. What started as a little friendly banter on a Scrabble chat screen turned into hours of truly getting to know each other. Letter by typed letter, we talked about everything, from our childhood to our adulthood, our pain and sorrow, hopes and dreams, and, most especially, about God, who we both loved with all our might, and who continued to make it abundantly clear that He wanted to be at the helm of our lives and that our lives were meant to be intertwined. He would prove that to us over and over again, including on December 8, 2011 as I headed back to Alberta.

The story of this December day had actually started a couple of months earlier when I began searching for air-fare for a pre-Christmas visit with my friends. My plan was to fly in on Dec. 10th, which also happened to be my 50th birthday. I was struggling a bit with this milestone birthday and decided that a day of travel would be a fine distraction.

To paint the picture more completely, I had been bidding on tickets through Priceline in search of the best deal possible. For those who have never used the “Name Your Own Price” feature, one must submit a method of payment along with an offer for airfare and, if accepted, you are rewarded with a non-refundable airline ticket.

Anyhow—after two weeks and a dozen or so rejected offers —I decided to try one last time and submitted an even lower price than I had attempted before. I was both shocked and ecstatic when it was accepted at almost 40 percent less than the going ticket price! When I looked closely at my confirmation, however, I noticed something terribly wrong. The departure, it said, was 7:05 a.m. December 8, 2011. Wait. What? December 8th?  That wasn’t the plan. December 10th was the dreaded birthday and the date my work vacation started. Nevertheless, God clearly had another plan, which I now realized included getting me there in time for Barbie’s funeral.

And, so, in the early morning hours of December 8, I sunk deep into my seat and tucked my earbuds tightly into my ears. Praise and worship tunes playing as soothing background music, there was time for a lot of prayers between the airport runways of Atlanta, Georgia and Edmonton, Alberta and, as the plane took off, the praying commenced.

During a short layover in Denver and before boarding the final leg of my day’s journey, I texted Denny to see how she was doing. She had been pretty emotional the night before, but was adamant that she would pick me up at the airport. I begged her to let one of our other friends do it, but, as per usual, she got the final word and would be waiting for me.  Period. She didn’t reply to my text and I presumed she was probably busy with Barbie’s funeral planning.

Back on the plane, I started to get more anxious. Denny was going through so much heartache and seemed to be struggling a bit with her faith.  She was finding it hard to fight anymore; her strength understandably gone. Just as the illnesses had stripped Neil and Barbie of their physical muscles, she was feeling stripped of her spiritual muscles. She still loved God. She still believed in Jesus and she still believed in heaven. In fact, those were the only things that made any sense to her at all anymore. Yet they seemed so far away and her heart continued to crumble under the weight of it all.

My mind, my heart and my emotions were swirling like a hurricane as the plane taxied down the Denver tarmac and I returned to my music, once again getting lost in my own little world of praise, worship and prayer. About halfway through the four-hour flight, “Hold My Heart” by Tenth Avenue North came on and I was immediately transported back to exactly one summer before when my previously-planned visit turned out to be a time of support as Denny’s brother, Stevie, had tragically drowned the week before.

As the song pervaded my heart on that June day, I had turned every word into a fervent prayer for my friend, pleading with God to please—just as the song beseeches—to come close and hold my friend’s heart. Suddenly, I began to feel a sense of peace followed by an inexplicable nudge to open my eyes and look out the window. When I did, I saw something that I shall never forget. Right there, on a canvas of deep blue sky and billowing clouds, were clouds in the distinctive shape of two strong hands gently cradling a heart. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and quickly reached for my camera, but when I looked back up, the image was gone. I may not have gotten the picture with my camera, but it was forever etched into my memory to be recalled many times in the days and years to come—including this day as I traveled once again to see my friends.

Leaning forward in my seat, I wondered if perchance God might give me another sign. Praise and worship lyrics dancing in my ears, I studied the clouds, but saw nothing. I looked towards the ground. Still, nothing. But, as I sat back in my seat disappointed, I soon felt another inexplicable nudge to take one more look. I pressed my forehead to the window pane and gazed at the sky. It was cloudless and there was nothing really to see when all of a sudden a streak of white shot across the blue sky. It happened so quickly, I almost gave myself whiplash attempting to see what could have possibly left this white mark in the sky. I sat back quite perplexed and more than just a little nervous. If that was left by another plane, it sure was awful close, I thought to myself.

As I continued to ponder what I had just seen, the flight attendants began preparing the cabin for landing. In less than a half an hour, I would be on the ground. My emotions shifted from anxiety to excitement as I knew I was about to see the people who had become so near and dear to me.

Having visited several times before, I had become somewhat of a pro at maneuvering through customs. I breezed through and, luggage in tow, followed my fellow travelers through the hallways leading to the lobby where Neil and Denny usually waited for me.

Walking through the doors, I looked around for Denny. Not seeing her right away, I figured she was probably hiding around the corner and laughing at me. She loved to make me look like a dork and, to be fair, I often did the same to her. I especially loved when we would make Neil laugh with our silliness.

In an effort to maintain at least a shred of my self-professed coolness, I stepped to the side and looked down at my phone. As I peered back up, I saw a couple of familiar faces walking towards me. It was Alex and Trina.

Good, I thought to myself, Denny had decided to take a break and ask for help. We exchanged hugs and I started into my story of how customs didn’t try to give me the third degree for once. As I used Neil’s name a few sentences in, I noticed Trina’s eyes filling with tears. Alex’s face grew dim and right there in the middle of the Edmonton Airport, I heard these words, “Brenda, Neil passed away this morning.”

It was as if the world came to a screeching halt and I began to hyperventilate as my sweet friends, themselves sobbing, guided me to a nearby chair. It didn’t take long after I sat down, however, that it all became clear.

The December 8th Priceline ticket I held in my trembling hands was far from a mistake. My sweet Lord had sent me there on this very day as support for my dearest friend now plunged into the darkest hour of her life.

And that streak against the sky? Well, that was undoubtedly Neil doing a fly-by and letting me know that He was indeed ok.  A pilot, I could always see the passion in Neil’s eyes when he spoke of flying; how exhilarating it was for him to play high above the earth, amid the clouds and along the very threshold of Heaven—a place where he could now enjoy that same exhilaration multiplied by infinity.

As for me, every time I see a feathery white brush stroke painted in the sky, I stop and thank our awesome God for writing me into Neil and Denny’s story and for this new symbol of hope and joy; this reminder that He is oh so real and has a plan and a purpose for all of us; mine being to follow Him and to live and retell stories like this that will, hopefully, lead people to that place inside themselves where He is always patiently and lovingly waiting with whatever is needed.

Oh, and Denny, although there were many days following Barbie and Neil’s deaths in which she seemed to be in a freefall, God lovingly guided her hand to her own parachute’s ripcord and she is today living and loving life once again. She doesn’t even mind being compared to Job anymore, because just like Job, our loving Father in Heaven has fully restored her to a life full of love, blessings and a joyful, ever-healing heart.

Her Birthday, My Blessing.


One Year Ago:


As I sit here and listen to you and Billy moving your stuff about just on the other side of the wall, preparing to load it on the trailer to move it to your new house, tears are flowing. Unexpected tears. Out of left field tears. I guess I’m just finally stopping long enough and the sounds from the next room are making it more real. My baby is getting married and moving out.

I hear your voice and, intellectually, I know it’s the voice of a 23 year old beautiful, smart, mature woman, but my heart is hearing a little girl. Mama. Mama. Mama. Come here, Mama. My heart cries a little as I know that you will soon have to use the phone to call me.

I see you walk out the door with a suitcase full of clothes. Intellectually, I see a beautiful, smart, mature 23 year old woman, but my heart sees a little girl. Bye. Bye Mama. I’ll be back. My heart cries a little as I know soon you will only be back for visits.

Then, I watch you as you watch him. Your eyes light up and all of a sudden I see a beautiful, smart, mature 23 year old woman very much in love. I hear you tell him you love him and my heart cries for joy as I know that my baby has found her soulmate and life partner.

I love you, my beautiful daughter, and can’t wait to see what you do in Chapter 2.


billie-and-brenda

One year later, on your 24th Birthday:


Here I sit in the same spot, your Chapter 2 well underway and I will never be able to put this book down. It is impossible to put into words how blessed I feel when I see you being a blessing to so many others—through your work at the church, through your marriage and love of family, through just being you and caring for others. God is using you in such a mighty way, baby girl, just as He has since the day you drew your first breath on this day 24 years ago.

Today, I want to thank you for staying true to God and allowing Him to use you, but first I must say thank you to God for creating you. You truly are the gift that keeps on giving and have changed my life—and the life of many others—not just forever, but for better. Happy Birthday my baby girl. I love you…to the ends of the earth and right on into eternity.

 

In His Time…


dear godNov. 30, 2016

Good Morning, Glory.

I have no idea where that came from, but I like it. After all, Lord, You are the most Glorious of all.

Abba, though I sometimes feel like it is futile to confess things to You, the One who knows all, I am beginning to realize that confession is not about You at all. Instead, it’s about me recognizing and knowing those things that aren’t pleasing to You; recognizing and knowing those things that I need to change as I strive to walk and live even closer to You.

And, so today, I must confess. I’m still feeling lost and confused.

Though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what my purpose is in this life, I still feel as if I’m spinning my wheels of late; like I’m wasting time in my job and in my life. Look at the last few months, Lord. I’ve worked such crazy and long hours that I have hardly spent any time with You. I’ve tried to stay connected, whether by prayer or podcast, but much of it has, quite frankly, felt forced; me just going through the motions, desperately trying to hold on to the deep connection I have enjoyed over the past few years since closening my walk with You.

And, my purpose?  It’s still there. It just seems to be sitting on the shelf collecting dust.

Father, I know deep in my heart that You have not changed, nor has Your purpose for me. But, this is really hard. Just when I thought you and I were on the same page, the disappointments started rolling in. And, the worst part of it all is that everything that I wanted and prayed for was what I thought You wanted for me as well.

You know that I have longed and still long to work in a more spiritual environment; a place where I can have the time to lean in even more; to study and learn more about You so that I can share You even more. My heart is in the right place. Or, at least I think it is.

Come close, Father. Show me if there are things that I need to change in order to better live this purpose that You have planted so firmly and deeply into my heart. Hold me close and help me know when and if I need to move or if I need to simply stay planted and await further direction. If the latter is Your plan, help me Lord to continue accepting it and to make the best out of it; doing it to the best of my ability and, most of all, to Your Glory.

Today, just as always, I need Your Holy direction. Thank You for never, ever giving up on me and for reminding me that I can do all things through You who strengthens me. I’m ready to rise up, to mount up with wings like eagles. I want to run and not be weary, to walk and not be faint. Come close, Dear Father, for all these things are impossible without you.

And, as I fell silent in the early morning hours, after laying my heart bare before the Lord, the following are the words I heard deep in my spirit.

Dear Sweet Child of Mine,

No matter how many side roads you may take in this life, My love and purpose for you never changes. Instead, You can rest in the knowledge that I will take things that happen while you travel along those side roads and use them to further you along your purposed path when you do return to it.

And you will return. Stop fretting so much and realize that you are where you need to be at this moment in time. If I allowed you to do everything at once—if I showed you everything at one time—you would implode.

Following My plan for your life is only part of the equation. gods-perfect-timing

The other part is following My timing.

I’m so pleased that you are excited about My plan for you, but now you have to trust Me for the right timing.

As long as your heart continues to be in the right place—that is, as long as your heart continues to be in Me—you can breathe easy knowing that absolutely nothing on earth or in the heavens can stop us.

Dear, dear Child, even if you are sidelined for a while, you must remember that you are not on the sideline alone! You stand in unity with other teammates who are also waiting for just the right moment to take the field; but, even more importantly, you stand with Me, the one that will tell you when the moment is right.

Stay suited up; do not give up; do not quit, for if you quit, My beautiful Child, you won’t be available when I need you.  Just continue to wait on me. Your time is near and so am I.

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:9)

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5: 6-7)

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” (Lamentations 3:25-26)

The Perfect Christmas Tree…


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I love Christmas trees. There is just something really special about finding the perfect one and bringing it home to bedazzle with lights and ornaments galore.

Now, don’t get me wrong. The tree that comes home with us is rarely perfect. But, while there is always a hole or bare spot here or there, we always seem to find just the right ornament to fill the gap and make what was once imperfect just perfect for us.

I can’t help but imagine that this is exactly how our Almighty Father see us.

I can just see Him strolling through the woods on a beautiful, crisp winter’s eve when all of a sudden He spots us amongst all the other trees. We begin to glow radiantly in a Christmas-miracle, holiday-movie-kind-of-moment which crescendos when the director cues the music and a choir of angels fill the heavens with a collective, melodic ahhhhhhhhhhh.

As He moves closer, He begins to circle us, smiling as He takes us all in. We aren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but judging by the look on His face and the sound of His contented sighs, it is more than obvious that we are just right for Him.

At home, He cracks open a big box of ornaments, each brimming with special meaning. Some represent happy times—the birth of a child, the birth of His child, a vacation with family or some other priceless blessing bestowed upon us over the years. Some represent things that still bring us to tears—the loss of a loved one, for example; a once living, colorful breathing being, now just a photograph embraced by pewter angel wings.  

All, however, come together to fill in the many holes and gaps and, before we know it, what was once imperfect has become perfect for God Himself as we light up with the glorious hope He’s had for us all along—for each to become a beautiful symbol of the season and a magnificent, radiant reflection of Him.

Cue the music.

Amen and Ehmen.

From Beyond Human Eyes…


Nov. 26, 2016

Good morning, Father.

I know that I am blessed beyond belief, but God how I am missing something that I have taken for me-and-theegranted all of these years. Family.

Not that I had to traverse this holiday alone. That’s not it at all. In fact, I was blessed enough to enjoy a meal and fellowship with my mother, my brother, my daughter, my son-in-law, my sister, my nieces and nephews as well as a many other extended family members.

And while I know that I should have just been thankful for another year with them, it was really very bittersweet.

The loss of my brother, Gary, has forever changed the landscape of my world; much of that change coming from his mere absence. But even more than the empty seat at the dinner table, it’s the realization that there will be more and more empty seats as the years journey on.

Though you already know everything that I am feeling, I feel the need to admit this morning that I am struggling a bit with all the changes, those present and those sure-to-come. I need your help, Father. I need you to help keep me focused on my many blessings, especially each tick of time that I have left with my loved ones. I want to enjoy the holidays and make them worthy of tucking away in my heart to be enjoyed again and again. I want to enjoy You, Dear Lord, and to begin merging back onto the path that You yourself have laid before me. I’ve been sitting on the shoulder far too long and I want nothing more than to resume my journey; to get back to the things for which You have purposed me and to enjoy the journey along the way. I pray these things in your Almighty and Glorious Name, Dear Father. Amen and Ehmen.

 

Dear, Beautiful Child of Mine,

I love you. I know this last year or so has been tough on you, but I am thankful that you have never lost sight of Me or your purpose. I need you to know, dear child, that it is okay to sit on the edge of your path from time to time; to regroup and refresh; to reconnect. This time has not been wasted as you know that I waste nothing.

The key, child, is doing just what you are doing today. Allowing yourself to feel and nurse your humanness as you sit and rest in Me, but at the same time embracing the desire to keep following the path that I have laid before you. Please don’t fear and don’t try to rush it. The time of resuming your journey is near, dear child, and as long as you stay connected to Me, you will always know when and where to take the next step. That’s the beauty of My plan, child. You don’t have to know anything. You simply have to know Me.

Yes, life is changing, my dear one, but, when looked at from beyond human eyes, it is changing for the better. Every day that you draw breathe brings you closer and closer to spending eternity with Me. And, though I know you will always miss those that have drawn their last, take joy in knowing that those who have accepted Me and completed their earthly journey are now enjoying eternity with Me. The purpose for all of my children on earth is to make sure every living, breathing person in all creation has that same opportunity.

“For God so loved the world, He gave His one and only Son so that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.”

Set Ablaze in His Glory


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Every fall, I find myself captivated by the bold and beautiful colors of the leaves on the tree just outside my window. It’s breathtaking, especially when the amber hues of a sleepy sun set it ablaze with colors even more beautiful and fiery.  

I pray that as I enter the later seasons of my life that I am like the leaves on that tree–set ablaze by God’s Own Glory as I complete the purposes He himself wrote on my heart before I was born.

And having completed the work He assigned me, I pray that The Father Himself will be my partner as I gracefully dance and twirl my way back to the dust from which I came.

Amen and Ehmen.

Exchanging Hurt for Hope


Happy Fall, Y’allautumn-leaves-borrowed.

I know it’s been awhile since I have blogged on Amen and Ehmen. My job changed in July and has dominated my time and energy ever since. During this time I have been on an emotional roller coaster, going from majorly disappointed and hurt by many of the changes to just plain tired, both emotionally and physically.

And, if I’m completely honest, I have also been spiritually fatigued during much of this time as well. Truthfully, of everything that I have been through—80-plus hour work weeks and numerous disheartening career developments—the spiritual exhaustion has outweighed it all.

Please know that I don’t intend this missive to be a cry for pity or even an excuse, but rather an explanation and an apology for my recent silence.

First and foremost, I must apologize to you because I want Amen and Ehmen to be a real reflection of my life with God; not a sugar-coated, air-brushed version that may give new Christians or those exploring Christianity unrealistic expectations. The facts are this: Being a Christian does NOT mean that you will no longer have problems, hurts and disappointments; it just means that you are never without hope and that God is always and in all ways working for the good of those who love Him. People like you and me.

I also owe an abundance of apologies to my all-loving, almighty Creator. During the many difficult days that followed the untimely death of my dear brother last September, health concerns for myself and other family members as well as the career crisis that continues to plague me, I have allowed my spiritual life to intermittently lay dormant.

If I’m truthful with myself and with you, I guess I have been internally blaming God for this dark and foreboding time in my life. In actuality, however, it has not been God that has been silent in my life. Quite the contrary as He has remained busy, continually weaving miracles and beauty into even the most brooding of moments. Still, all too often and way more than I like to admit—including this very weekend as rumors of yet more disappointing events swirl around me—I’ve allowed myself to focus on the disappointments instead of the hope that God continues to bring.

And, therein, lies the lesson that I know in my heart He wants me to learn. It’s a lesson with which I have always seemed to struggle—having complete, unyielding, unwavering and unconditional faith in Him. It’s hard, but it is possible. And, I know it is necessary if I ever expect to fully live the life that He has planned for me; to accomplish everything that He has put me here to accomplish.

And, so today, I pray for help in growing an unconditional and unyielding faith in Him and His plan for my life. I pray to always remember the many beautiful moments and miracles He has shared with me as He continually proves His loving intentions for me. I pray that I will commit even more time to tune into Him; to study His Word and connect with Him every single day. I ask you, Dear Lord, to turn every moment of worry, self-pity and disappointment into a growing desire to praise You for all the many blessings that You continue to pour out for me.

Yes, it has been a tough year, but it’s also been a blessed year which I know that I know is being used to further shape and make me into the person that God desires me to be. I pray today that I allow that refining to happen in His time and in His way. And, Lord, I also ask that you hear my prayer for everyone whose eyes are reading these words at this very moment. You know their needs and You love them so completely and powerfully, just as You also love me. Let us all feel that love right now. It is in Jesus’ mighty and beautiful name that I pray. Amen and Ehmen.